Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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