I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
