Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
