A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
