rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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