I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
