At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
