dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
