is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
