His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
