I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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