Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
