I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
COCAINE IS GR8
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
