I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
