Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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