My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
