I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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