Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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