I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
