in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
