Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
