Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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