Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
