I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
