You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
