my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize