can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
