you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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