You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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