i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
