oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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