he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
