I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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