I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm way too hungover for life right now
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
