singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
All the doctor said was why
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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