I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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