You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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