she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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