Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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