Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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