Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
