But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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