..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
