Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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