The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
