Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
