There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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