I haven't been this sober since birth.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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