1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
