So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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