She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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