Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
