Too much gin, very little bucket
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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