May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize