yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
