She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize