well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
