hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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