She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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