I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
