My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
