Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Ketchup is God's man juice
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
