I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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