the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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