Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
