he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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