In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
