Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he shaved USA in his pubs
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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