How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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