my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
