Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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