I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
