he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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