At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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