I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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