i think i scared a bird with my dick
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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