I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
