I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
