I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
