I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
