shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
