I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
