if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
