He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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