I wish my penis had an off switch
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
