it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You know, be my cock's hype man.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
