I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
