ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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